The 8th Nerve

A while ago I speculated about the “deactualized I“. Now I’m reading more specifically about how one steps back from identifying with “me” and “self” and embodies “I”. The I is not your body, it is not your thoughts, it is not your ever-changing feelings in the moment. It is the compassionate observer of all your thoughts, emotions and sensations. Meditation and other exercises practices the art of embodying the I, being able to observe your thoughts and feelings as they pass across the screen of your consciousness. It is the art of making your ego object.

The benefits of embodying or actualizing your I are numerous, from your health to reducing anxiety to being able to more clearly see solutions from a non-reactive lens. This too will be a more spiritual and peaceful existence.

Ok. So I’m working on being more mindful of this and it is more difficult than it seems. Three things seem to happen:

I’m thinking along, then I remember I want to try witnessing and observing. I step back from my thoughts and observe- but it is a critical observer. This is not the witness, the I. This is an evaluator. This is still part of the ego. So I remind myself that there is yet another observer, noticing the critical observer.

Other times, I’m catching particularly negative ruminations and I’m looking to step back to observe, but instead my brain kicks into generating the opposite thought. “Oh, I was being negative. Here’s some positive thoughts.” That has value in itself, but the I is still a ghost lurking.

Another thing that happens sometimes when I remind myself is that my brain automatically reviews the thoughts and feelings I was having. That is not observing, that is reviewing. My thought and/or emotion has become object, it was in the past. The difficulty, for me, is being able to simultaneously think and/or feel AND observe/notice/witness those states. I’m so used to being the mutually influencing state of thought and feeling that the concept of observing WHILE it is occurring is brand new.

That is why it takes practice.

No Comments »

Aug 26th 2007Introspection

casper…

aschi…

lucky…

steve…

inspired by i can has cheezburger?

2 Comments »

Aug 23rd 2007Pets & Pictures

Felix’s explanation for while the milk truck in front of us was so slow: “It is full of milk.”

Comments Off

Aug 16th 2007I Laughed When

Amazing what a week at a cottage by the water does to one’s sense of time. I lost track of the days and the timeless week went on, alternating between sun and rain. I returned feeling like it was still early August, as if no time had passed. We swam and kayaked and read when the rain pattered on the roof. Time was sheer luxury. The call of the loon warbled over the water day and night.

Lucky was in heaven. Just seeing his bounding joy when we arrived and each time he jumped into the water reminded me of what this was all about.

The best moment of the week was when we arrived, unloaded the truck, then dove into the water. The water temperature was absolutely amazing, in the blue distance was Mount Washington. I somersaulted under the water and felt a bolt of pure joy. I came back up and everything was shining in the sun. We were here. For a week we were here.

2 Comments »

Aug 16th 2007Pictures & Trips

I gave into my craving for a lake. I found a cabin that was available for rent next week, on the other side of the state. I’m surprised we found anything on a short notice. I surfed the web but the prospect of calling around aimlessly on a short notice trying to find out if anything was available next week was daunting. Then I found a listing of rentals and some of those ads had an “availability calendar” where you can immediately see what’s available and when. Most were booked solid. Finally I found a place that was booked solid except for the very next week. I emailed the owners and they wrote me right back. God bless the internet.

So here is to swimming and fishing and watching the water from the porch and the stack of library books we picked up yesterday. Be back in mid-August.

1 Comment »

Aug 2nd 2007Misc