A while ago I speculated about the “deactualized I“. Now I’m reading more specifically about how one steps back from identifying with “me” and “self” and embodies “I”. The I is not your body, it is not your thoughts, it is not your ever-changing feelings in the moment. It is the compassionate observer of all your thoughts, emotions and sensations. Meditation and other exercises practices the art of embodying the I, being able to observe your thoughts and feelings as they pass across the screen of your consciousness. It is the art of making your ego object.
The benefits of embodying or actualizing your I are numerous, from your health to reducing anxiety to being able to more clearly see solutions from a non-reactive lens. This too will be a more spiritual and peaceful existence.
Ok. So I’m working on being more mindful of this and it is more difficult than it seems. Three things seem to happen:
I’m thinking along, then I remember I want to try witnessing and observing. I step back from my thoughts and observe- but it is a critical observer. This is not the witness, the I. This is an evaluator. This is still part of the ego. So I remind myself that there is yet another observer, noticing the critical observer.
Other times, I’m catching particularly negative ruminations and I’m looking to step back to observe, but instead my brain kicks into generating the opposite thought. “Oh, I was being negative. Here’s some positive thoughts.” That has value in itself, but the I is still a ghost lurking.
Another thing that happens sometimes when I remind myself is that my brain automatically reviews the thoughts and feelings I was having. That is not observing, that is reviewing. My thought and/or emotion has become object, it was in the past. The difficulty, for me, is being able to simultaneously think and/or feel AND observe/notice/witness those states. I’m so used to being the mutually influencing state of thought and feeling that the concept of observing WHILE it is occurring is brand new.
That is why it takes practice.
Aug 26th 2007Introspection