My work is so automatic and memorized that my body moves on automatic pilot and my fingers fly over the keyboard on their own. As a result, I usually spend the shift thinking about all kinds of things. Sometimes heavy thinking, though I have to be careful because I can, depending on my mood, easily think myself into self-loathing. Othertimes, light thinking. Lately I have been entertaining myself by thinking of what would make a good Saturday Night Live skit.
For example- let’s say that there’s this guy, average guy with wife and kids, looks a bit like a football player or a Marine. Let’s say he dies unexpectedly and goes to heaven. He is greeted in heaven by angels who tell him that his life must be reviewed before they decide what happens next. The guy is a bit nervous, and is not sure what scenes from his life they’ll be looking at to decide his fate. One angel gets up, perhaps with a heavenly remote control in his hand, and says solemnly “We will now observe all the scenes from your life when you looked most gay.”
The camera closes in on the guy’s horrified expression. The heterosexual male’s worse fear! Something he had worked so hard to never do! Scenes flash on the wall, perhaps to some gay song. There he is, drinking with his pinkie finger sticking out! There he is, eating with a male friend at a candlelit restaurant! There he is, skipping and clapping his hands!
Ok, how about this, here’s another idea. This would be an ongoing skit, same premise in different situations. Some guy, played by Adam Sandler or someone, has an irritating habit of doing the same thing every time at inopportune moments. How about this, he’s at a business meeting and the boss is irritated with the company’s performance. He glowers at the co-workers and demands to see improvement and asks for feedback. Adam Sandler takes his hand and uses it to fold his chin so that it has a crease down the middle. He looks around and announces “I have a chin-gina!” “The Chin-gina” is what those skits will be called.
C’mon, it would be funny.
Steve’s car is dying, and he is sad. I am determined that we should become a One Car household, at least for a year or two. Steve works at home and I will be the only one commuting. It saves money and is good for the environment, blah blah. Sometimes Steve says in a little voice “But I want a truck” and I give him the Wifely Stare of Death. It will be an adjustment, though, having “my” car become “our” car.
I know what you’re thinking. Go ahead, try it. See if you can make a chin-gina.
Jun 22nd 2005making fun