The 8th Nerve

Someone found this site by googling “anxious hypersensitive”. Awesome! Anxious and hypersensitive people of the world, unite!

Alias is our new favorite tv series to rent on DVD. We are partway through the first season and I am utterly hooked. Now, when my alarm goes off hours before the sun rises and I feel stress about my upcoming day, I can think to myself “At least you are not a graduate student and a double agent.” Because, my friends, that would be WAY more stressful.

I may have to re-think what I have said about liking the fact that I have lived in this area for nearly five years. The area is getting less and less anonymous as I run into people unexpectedly in stores or downtown more often. Yesterday I was in the grocery store, gathering six or seven containers of yogurt into my arms, when I heard someone greet me. I turned around, surprised and flustered, to return the greeting. Then I felt one of the yogurts move. “Uh oh,” I said, as the yogurt, in slow motion, fell over my arm and sailed through the air. The greeter (while his wife and daughter stopped and awkwardly watched) picked up the yogurt and it was dripping and we didn’t know what to do with it so we stuck it upside down on the shelf. I really cannot do with the unexpected social encounter. I blush and drop things. I forget the most basic, essential facts. If you ran into me at a store and asked me how old I was, I would honestly have to think about that for a while.

We had a very busy weekend. A weekend that is very fun but goes by way too fast, especially if you go out with friends (two of whom were celebrating birthdays) three nights in a row. On Saturday and Sunday afternoons I went nordic skiing across blinding white expanse under sunlight, with ancient blue hills in the near distance. The scenery was absolutely beautiful. There is something about these round mountains that is peaceful and kind. I felt protected by its benevolence and trusting, silent soul. They have been here forever. Positive energy filled me, and I felt capable and ready for anything. I realized how much it contrasted to my usually busy, stressed state of mind and knew I needed to remember this day.

The roller coaster ride continues this semester. Terror, then joy. To my relief, I am growing again. I have new confidence this time around and I can feel it. Just as long as you don’t bump into me in a grocery store.

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Jan 31st 2005Uncategorized

Whenever I open the little doors to the washer and dryer, Casper runs in and sticks his paws under the dryer. I figured he probably had a toy under there, and today I finally got a hold of a long pole to sweep under it and get it out for him. This turned out to be quite productive and I had effectively stumbled upon one of Casper’s secret lairs, a lair that is a sight to behold. A lair that makes me go “There’s the frickin cap to my contact lens case.” Casper was so excited he had to be locked out of the room until all the items were collected, documented, and distributed to the rightful owners.

Here is the unveiling of one of Casper’s secret toy lodes.

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Jan 30th 2005Uncategorized

There are some people who enjoy the cherry tomato trick and those who do not.

This fact can be used to your advantage and you may be able to use the cherry tomato to foretell the future. More specifically, the cherry tomato may be used to tell you who, at this table, you will fall in love with and marry. (Note: this only works if you are one of the ones who happen to think the cherry tomato trick is creative and hilarious.)

The trick is to be done at a restaurant, cafeteria or dining hall. In my case, it was in a dining hall during my sophomore year.

First, pluck the cherry tomato from your salad. Announce to everyone at the table that you have something to show everyone and wait politely until all eyes are trained on you. Take a fork and use a tine to slice a curved line across the tomato. This is the mouth. Poke two holes above for eyes.

Hold the cherry tomato up and bounce your hand around as you talk in a special cherry tomato voice. “Hi everyone! I drank a whole case of beer by myself! Boy do I feel great! I’m having so much fun and– ” *dramatic pause* “Uh oh.. I don’t feel so good.” *pause*

Squeeze the cherry tomato firmly so that it spews moist chunks of seeds and pulp. Make barfing noises as appropriate.

The only other person at the table who laughs will be your life partner. You may allow events to take their natural course (6 to 8 weeks) or you may go ahead and make out with them immediately.

(Author is not responsible for any catastrophes that result from using the cherry tomato. Be sure to practice beforehand.)

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Jan 27th 2005Uncategorized

Someone stumbled upon my site by googling “Gummi bear condom”.

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Jan 24th 2005I Laughed When

Someone stumbled upon my site by googling “Gummi bear condom”.

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Jan 24th 2005I Laughed When

If you are going to drive slow and stop at yellow lights then your license plate should NOT read “BUCWILD”.

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Jan 24th 2005I Peeved When

My entries are open to comments again. My entries are too lonely without comments. So I decided to make my comments open for a limited amount of time, so that you may comment while quantities last! When I write my next entry, I will close the comment section to the last entry. This way you can comment if you happen to read the entry within a few days of it being posted and I can still elude the horrible soulless creature that is spam.

My brother Nate is up visiting for the week and he went with us on Saturday night to discover the supremely cool place that is Higher Ground. We had not been there since Higher Ground moved from their location in Winooski to South Burlington. The new Higher Ground can now host two separate events- a concert in one room and stand up comedy or smaller performance in the other. We didn’t get a chance to check out the other bigger room so I don’t know if they retained their cozy atmosphere that allows the band to be fully present and you have the freedom to stand and dance up close or go and sit at the bar in the back and still be approximately 25 yards away. We saw Joan Osborne and the Wallflowers this way. It is probably the only times I have enjoyed dedicating an evening to just listening to music. In bigger venues it just makes me want to slump to the floor and put my head on my knees. Go away, too much noise.

We went to the smaller venue to see the comedian Kevin Meaney. We ran into friends and shared a table with them. Kevin Meaney was hysterical. I have frequently lamented the lack of stand up comedy in this town so I am very excited that Higher Ground is doing this regularly.

One of my toes periodically experiences a numb sensation, and sometimes, if I move a certain way, it tingles like a small electrical current. I choose not to be concerned, although if you ever read Reader’s Digest you’d notice that a lot of their alarming medical articles start out this way. “As she gets into the car to drive to work, Debra Brown of Aurora, IL, notices a tingling sensation in her toes.” Then throughout the course of the day she gradually worsens, until the poor woman can’t move or breathe on her own and the doctors are baffled. Recovery is long and painful and takes years and it turns out to be a rare condition that doctors don’t know about but thanks to this article you will know when it happens. It could happen to you.

The semester and internship has started up again. I am back in operation.

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Jan 24th 2005Uncategorized

Netflix is fantastic, except on days when I really want to watch a movie and there’s nothing in the mail.

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Jan 20th 2005I Peeved When

I like to do this so I can be up high and chirp at the ceiling. Also, there might be a toy up here.

I am really bizarre. I am not a normal cat.

I don’t understand why I haven’t been recruited for the US gymnast team. I am really good on the uneven bars..

Look at how delicately I perch. I am also most excellent on the balance beam..

It’s time to play fetch with Steve! So long, suckers!

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Jan 20th 2005Uncategorized

It struck me today that I have never read or heard Martin Luthor King’s “I have a dream” speech in its entirety. The few lines that I know from the speech kept echoing in my mind. So I looked it up, read it and cried. I don’t know why. It feels like grief.

I spent the weekend with the in-laws. We went up Friday and stopped at Robert’s on the way. He single-handedly put up a trailer on cinder blocks in the back of a field and wired it with electricity. A long driveway leads up to it and it was covered with drifting snow. I attempted to drive my car up it anyway and it promptly got stuck. It was pitch black with an icy wind and Robert’s place was distant blocks of light. Then he suddenly materialized next to us and we got the car out and walked up the long driveway instead. Robert introduced us to his cows, which he refers to as “my girls”. We sat in his living room, which consisted of a table, two chairs, and upside down buckets which served as chairs. A radio and a book on the table, a map of the county covers an entire wall. Two bare bulbs light the room.

I am fascinated with the Linck Way. Robert’s whole family was born at the wrong time. They are all super smart, go to college out of state and then promptly return to Vermont and spend the rest of their days cultivating the land and building and making everything from scratch and by hand. They spend less money and consume less resources than anyone in America. I become wistful thinking of how much better off we would be, not to mention our future generations, if we all lived this way. The simple life. Something I think a lot about, here in my condo.

I am intrigued. I envision moving to an old house with lots of land and getting cows and chickens. However, at least two things are missing. First, I lack fundamental knowledge that is second nature to the Lincks. I could learn and I could be taught, but it would probably be like learning a second language too late in life. I will always have an accent. I will continually fall back into trappings of this homogenous, fast food nation without even realizing it.

Second, I am missing a certain sense of security. I don’t know if it is something only certain people are born with or if it is something that would come with time as one continues to practice the Linck Way. If I were sitting in a nearly empty place with the snow blown across the road and an icy wind howling around me and infinite darkness pressing on the windowpanes, I would utterly despair. The urge, the urge that presses me often but would become overwhelming, this restlessness that says You’re missing out. There’s some place you should be. There’s someone you should be with. There’s something wrong with you. I am driven by a sense that something is missing. I have much respect for those who are not frightened by empty stretches of time, who can be perfectly content alone for days on end, fulfilled by walks in the woods, chopping wood, milking cows. A life of duties and self-sufficiency the rest of us have given away without realizing it. Have we given away too much?

Is that surfacing despair, if I were in a room without a computer or a tv or a plan, a product of this culture or is it just me?

After talking and catching up for a couple hours, Robert started up his truck and accelerated across the field and we were tossed about in the front seat like rag dolls. I felt like we were taken on a boat ride across a frozen sea. We got my car back on the road and drove onwards to the in laws.

The next day the house was flooded with sunshine. Given that it is the middle of winter, there was an amazing number of birds flying up to feeders by the windows and throughout the yard. Robert came up and we got ready to go trample in the woods to check out sugaring potential. It was 17 degrees out. I got bundled up in a winter coat, boots, gloves and a hat. Steve forgot his boots and put on these waterproof leggings over his shoes that went up to just below his knees, thereby earning him the nickname “the gay woodsman”. Robert wore a spring jacket and sunglasses. The forest was a regular winter wonderland with a soft coat of snow over everything and the sun shining through the trees. Robert pronounced that sugaring was possible in these woods, thus making the gay woodsman quite excited.

The gay woodsman is still excited and has been plotting, so it looks like we may take a small step in the way of the Lincks and make our own maple syrup.

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Jan 17th 2005Uncategorized