The 8th Nerve

people put those circular bumper stickers with the abbreviation of some geographical location on their car so that I spend all of rush hour trying to figure out what it stands for.

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Oct 31st 2004I Peeved When

Happy Halloween. And Happy one year anniversary to Casper. And Daylight Savings time. God I love gaining an extra hour on Sunday.

We saw The Grudge last night, it was pretty scary stuff. I turned my hearing aids off every time a suspenseful part came up. Usually it’s the sounds that make the scenes expecially scary. So I was able to keep watching, whereas my friend Kati had her eyes covered and saw approximately five minutes of the whole movie.

I was trying to think of another Halloween story to share this year, as I have already shared about the best costume I ever had, the most obscure costume I ever had, and one of the most embarassing Halloween experiences I’ve had. Some others come to mind- my delinquent Halloween when I came home covered head to toe in egg yolk and shaving cream, and second grade when I inadvertantly won a big painted pumpkin even though I had absolutely no idea that there was a contest going on but pretended that I did. However, what comes foremost to mind is the earliest Halloween memory.

I must have been 3, maybe 4, and I doubt I quite grasped the whole Halloween concept yet. One evening, suddenly and inexplicably, my parents both stuck a pair of small round glasses frames on me and there was much excitement and running around. I remember the contrast of bright indoor light against the early onset of darkness outside, a phenomenon I did not yet understand. I was jubilantly carried upstairs to the hallway closet, where one outfit after another was tried out. My parents settled on one of my Dad’s suit coats and a tie (but that’s Daddy’s), and I was told to carry his briefcase. How bizarre! Being dressed up as Daddy! past my bedtime! My parents were giddy as schoolgirls and taking pictures while I gazed solemnly back at them. Ah, adults. Those big unfathomable creatures. Then they took me somewhere and I got a lot of candy, so it was ok.

Ok, my Mom just scanned and emailed me the picture and now my parents’ giddiness is completely understandable:

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Oct 31st 2004Uncategorized

Most Vermonters believe that winter does not arrive until late November or December. I am discovering that winter comes in October in the middle of the night. It covers my car in ice that glitters under the light of the moon. Now I must hurry an extra minute or two to factor in the time that needs to be spent scraping ice off my car before work. By the time the sun rises, it feels like a typical fall day and usually I switch my car heater back off.

I have a new superstitious belief that the Red Sox victory in the World Series (what’s up with that title, who else plays in it besides Americans?) signifies a successful Anybody but Bush election. We shall see. I watched Fahreinheit 9/11 the other day, which managed to simultaneously be both depressing and enraging. I know Moore’s viewpoint is slanted and designed to trigger these feelings and I try to factor that in, but it is still alarming and sad to watch. The leader who would be most beneficial, wise, and dynamite for the country is a person who is not influenced by power or money or personal agenda. This person would never survive the political process as it is today.

I’m not sure why I keep mentioning politics, I never used to pay any attention to it. Maybe my dislike of Bush says more about me and my projections than it does about Bush. Why heap righteous indignation and anger on one person when we are all responsible? Even with limited input on the decisions made, are we still responsible?

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Oct 28th 2004Uncategorized

In my attempts to cope with FUCKING DEGENERATE SPAM taking over my comment section, Steve hooked me up with this thing where I am notified via email when I receive comments, and if it’s spam, then I can click on it and put the spam address onto a blacklist and the list somehow removes the comment and also does not allow that FUCKING DEGENERATE SPAM address to ever go back on my site. In layman’s terms.

Now I get at least a dozen comments a day all from FUCKING DEGENERATE SPAM people and I have to go through the list and remove each one individually and it’s a pain. I could just leave the spam on there, it’s usually all on old entries, but it’s a pride thing. FUCK YOU DEGENERATE SPAM. I’m not letting it sit on my blog, it feels like an odious, intrusive presence. So I’m just going to close the comments section. It’s disappointing because I always enjoy and appreciate comments but there aren’t nearly enough comments to counteract dealing with spam. At some point I’ll put up an email address or some other method of contact.

I finally got around to calling my insurance company this morning to ask a bunch of questions about coverage. Calling and dealing with insurance matters bother me. I fret about doing it and it recycles in mind over and over and even when I put it down on a list of things to do with a box next to it to check off, I still feel aggravated about doing it and keep putting it off. Then it will pop up in my mind yet again and each time it comes up, the anxiety goes up a notch because time has passed and it still hasn’t been done. Other things that bother me for the same reason include:

✓ Putting on winter tires
✓Calling insurance people to deal with claims or important information not received in a timely manner because everyone over there has NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON.
✓Getting new windshield wipers.
✓Mail concerning notification of the status of some retirement account or something from a job I had two years ago and I don’t understand how it got created in the first place or why it is still here or the purpose of the mail or what to do with it and I’m too anxious to read all the small print to try to figure it out.
✓Anything having to do with money. JUST TAKE IT OR JUST PUT IT IN THE BANK.
✓Inspections and oil changes.
✓Student loans, FAFSA forms, SAR forms, VSAC loans. I still don’t know which type of loan does not tax during the grace period, subsidized or unsubsidized and have to look it up each time. *whimper*
✓Taxes. I will gladly pay whatever it takes to have someone else do my taxes for me.
✓Registration for classes.

I’m not getting much sleep with the baseball going on. Judging by the commercials, baseball is set to the schedule of men with erectile dysfunctions and not graduate students who get up at 4am.

Time for a power nap, just like in college.

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Oct 25th 2004Uncategorized

Am I the only one who thinks the skit on Mad TV about Stuart and his mom is absolutely hilarious?

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Oct 25th 2004I Laughed When

FRICKIN PILES OF MAIL, STOP GROWING.

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Oct 23rd 2004I Peeved When

Casper jumps into the kitchen cabinet.

Steve (grabbing the cat): You’ve reached a new low.

Me: Or a new high.

Steve: I knew you were going to say that.

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Oct 23rd 2004I Laughed When

“The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time.” -Field of Dreams

The Red Sox victory is far more than just winning a baseball series. This tremendous comeback marks the time; it marks the turning of the tide in our country. In particular the timing makes me believe this is significant for politics. The series is a barometer of the times and there is a new and unprecedented energy coming.

I feel more optimistic than I have in a long time.

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Oct 20th 2004Uncategorized

this was, for me, a memorable commercial which was on some years ago, when I was younger and hormonal with elaborate swooning tendencies, and to which I have no memory of what product it was for:

A young woman is on a boat as it starts to move away from the shore. A pickup screeches to a halt and a young man runs onto the boat or ferry just in time. He approaches her as she looks out at the water and hands her a necklace.

“You dropped this.”

“Really?” She takes the necklace. “Where?”

He looks all cute and abashed, looks down, then looks up into her eyes and says “Nebraska.” The last shot shows her giving him a look over and there is the beginning of a smile and, quite possibly, “fuck me” eyes.

Of course the implication being that he saw her in a land locked state and was so taken by her that he followed her all this distance to give her the necklace back. This is actually quite creepy when you think about it, but he was so cute and sexy, so there is no evident sketchiness when you see the commercial. If an unattractive and unclean man ran on the boat we’d be talking about quite a different commercial here, possibly for mace spray.

I think if I saw this commercial now, most likely while lying on the couch propped up on Steve as if he were a big, manly cushion, I would make sarcastic remarks about the creepiness factor. I have forgotten or no longer need to pine and swoon- does this mean I’m not a sentimental fool anymore?

So really, the point being, if you want to be a successful stalker or serial rapist, you just need to be good looking and abashed.

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Oct 19th 2004Uncategorized

I dreamed that I was going to see a client for a session at a big house. The room was on the third story and I could only access it from the outside, by crawling across a precarious, foot wide board with no supports that ran along the front of the house. The risk of falling and the fear was excruciating. I made it across to the end and clambered in the room. Inside were a handful of women, all professionals who had been working with a small toddler who could not hear. As we observed the child, I realized that she could speak after all, but she could not make any sound. She was mouthing the words and, contrary to belief, was capable of being understood. Due to my own experience, I was the only one able to read her lips.

Everyday I confront what I fear most and still go into the room. Some days I am so weary that I am beyond tiredness, beyond sleepiness. So much has been learned and I must not be discouraged by all that I must apply before I can embody what I’m beginning to understand.

This past weekend my brother and his girlfriend came up from Boston. We went pumpkin picking, foliage viewing, Red Sox watching and beer ponging. I’ve gotten suckered into baseball. Derek Lowe can pitch for me anytime.

Time to eat- Steve made apple stuffed chicken.

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Oct 18th 2004Uncategorized