The 8th Nerve

if you’re a stranger and you’re walking close behind me on the sidewalk, I’m hating you the whole time. Step back, give me space, and STOP FOLLOWING ME JERK.

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Jun 29th 2004I Peeved When

We watched LOTR: The Return of the King last night on DVD. I saw it in the theatres, but this time I could see it with closed captioning and catch all that I missed the first time around. I’d forgotten what a good movie this is, and my head started spinning with all the universal themes and metaphors, especially from a psychodynamic point of view. What a good paper it would be to write. When you look at the movie/book in terms of process and symbolism and not content, incredible parallels emerge between the story and the purpose and journey of therapy. How utterly cool would I be if I wrote my thesis on The Lord of the Rings? I can just see the look on the proposal committee’s face right now.

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Jun 29th 2004Uncategorized

Sometimes the best way to feel at home again is to get away.

Steve and I jam packed a whirlwind of travel, people, and a wedding in two days that turned out to be amazingly stress-free and a fantastic time. Friday night we drove down to Boston as the rain poured and lightning split the sky. We listened to the Red Sox game on the radio and the excited announcer still managed to sound like he had just found two beautiful naked women under his sports desk even though the Red Sox were ahead by 11 runs and the game was well over. We stayed with my brother and his girlfriend. After chips, beers, talks and Conan, we went to bed.

Jordan treated us to brunch. We were served by BRUCE, who brought us coffee whenever he wasn’t bumping into something. I had an omelette with avocado, cucumber yogurt, and sprouts and it was excellent. I saw, for the first time- though I have heard this description many times- a baby over at another table that truly looked like a monkey. Then Steve said “That baby looks like a monkey” and now we are jinxed and our baby will look like a monkey. That is some years away however and maybe by then the jinx will have worn off.

After cards and baseball and Jordan opening my birthday present to him (caffeinated soap and a multi-setting, remote control operated fan for their no-AC apartment- by an extraordinary stroke of luck, this fan fit in their narrow bedroom window so snugly and perfectly and I was so excited that any gift giving after that will never live up to this one), we left Boston and drove south to a town near Plymouth, MA. We stayed with my aunt and uncle in their beautiful home. We had fun catching up and sharing stories during a delicious dinner at an Italian restaurant and again I wished that my family all lived closer to one another.

The next morning after breakfast, we drove another hour south into the sandy, sunlit cape to attend a wedding for a friend from college. We navigated the curvy roads past the gnarled trees and weather worn wood shingled homes of Cape Cod. As we pulled into the inn where the outdoor wedding and reception was held, I could feel butterflies in my stomach out of empathy for the bride and groom.

Before my own wedding, I attended weddings with sense of being immersed in murky waters. I didn’t know the unfamiliar routine, the etiquette, the ceremony. The bride and groom intimidated me by their sudden celebrity status. I felt nervous talking to them.

This was the first wedding we’ve been to since our own, and I realized how much it changed my experience of the wedding. I know now how agonizing and wonderful it is- all that stress and expectation and planning behind it, then the unexpected sheer joy of the day itself when you suddenly realize your expectations are in pieces because you had no category for this. And all your friends and family are there to share it with you.

Remembering this, I felt happy sitting there during the lovely, down to earth ceremony. I felt gladness for the bride and groom for being special people on a special day. I had the strongest wish to get up and do a reading. A side effect of being a daughter of a preacher man.

We saw friends from college we hadn’t seen in four years and we caught up and reminisced. After five hours of complementary wine, friends, and sunlight, I was blazing with happy energy. (Some people may respond by dancing on table tops or passing out on the lawn, I blaze). We hit the road and Steve’s trusty Subaru with 137,000+ miles under its belt carried us home.

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Jun 28th 2004Uncategorized

damn you, spam. is there anyone out there who actually replies to spam? what on earth keeps the spammers going? What a bizarre, delusional, sorry bunch- spammers and the people who actually order penis pills from them.

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Jun 25th 2004I Peeved When

listening to John Heffron on Last Comic Standing. My childhood swing set came out of the ground whenever we used the swings too.

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Jun 23rd 2004I Laughed When

I ran three miles yesterday, the well-trod route to the bridge and back. It was hard to get myself out there. I am not yet ingrained to run, as I was when I trained for the marathon.

I learned things from marathon training that dashed misconceptions I had about running. Namely I learned firsthand that running is good for you, mentally and physically. Secondly, long distances become easier over time, and breathing becomes easy and painless. And hills are fun. That’s right- I love a good kick ass hill. I see a hill and I think of Lance Armstrong’s words from It’s Not about the Bike- I was meant for the long, hard climb. Then I dig in and burn that hill. I love it.

Yet, despite all that, I fell out of running when the marathon was over and the Vermont winter set in. Over the past few months I tell myself how I should go out and run, and mentally and physically I balk- like a petulant child being told to do a chore. In the face of all that I learned and the fact that I enjoy running and benefit from it- my inner petulant child throws a tantrum. The resistance is very strong. The desire to do other things, relaxing after a long work day, becomes stronger. The act of changing clothing, running, showering, changing clothes again suddenly feels arduous and time consuming.

I overrode it yesterday, long enough to put on my running clothes and get out the door. As soon as my feet hit the pavement, I felt good and I wondered why it was so hard to get out there. Getting out there is harder than running itself. So I ran and was reminded of all the good things and my mood became lighter and lighter. I ran back home feeling much better, and the mood persisted into the evening.

I believe there is, in most of us, a petulant, scared part of us that fights against what is good for us. We are our own worst enemy.

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Jun 23rd 2004Uncategorized

We drove down to Orwell, VT to explore Mount Independence. Mount Independence sits across the lake from Fort Ticonderoga and the two forts, situated on the narrowest point of Lake Champlain, successfully fended off (by sheer intimidation alone) a British attack from Canada in 1776. The British were forced to turn back and sit tight in Quebec for a year while the Americans were able to marshal their forces. Mount Independence was once a bare outcropping, occupied by the thousands, who labored to build living quarters, battilions, a hospital, an immense fort in the shape of an 8 point star, among other structures, during the Revolutionary War.

The British burned down Mount Independence in 1777. The area is now overgrown with trees and plant life. Wildflowers grow in abundance. Trails cross the face of it and mark the remains of another time. We spent the afternoon in the museum built to resemble a listing ship and hiked the trails overlooking the lake.

I never would have known this was here, or of its historical significance, if it were not for our trusty Fifty Hikes in Vermont guide. A beautiful and interesting place, definitely worth the visit.

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Jun 21st 2004Uncategorized

Me: Who was that?

Steve: Eric

Me: Cara?

Steve: Eric

Me: Oh, Derrick.

Steve: No, Eric

Me: Oh, Eric

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Jun 21st 2004I Misheard When

we watched Dodgeball- much funnier than expected. Even better, it unexpectedly featured a hilarious cameo by Lance Armstrong.

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Jun 19th 2004I Laughed When

I wrote an entry ‘n then I Shizzolated that shiznit, know what I’m sayin’? This is too funny, know what I’m sayin’? Either that or I’m really going crazy at work, know what I’m sayin’? I don’t think I’ve ever sat fo’ so long in one place before in my entire life.

I may has finally found a group play tennis wit, through a fellow classmate, know what I’m sayin’? We met up yesterday in South Hero, on da Champlain Islands, at da crib of a hella nice retired couple who has offered they private tennis court, know what I’m sayin’? They private clay court, next they private tennis building wit a tennis racket wind vane ‘n full of tennis equipment, including a ball machine n’ shit. A tennis player’s heaven n’ shit.

And I played pretty damn well, fo’ someone who has not played a whole lot in six years. It is really bomb diggity when da groove hits ‘n yo’ ass are in a flow n’ shit. The body remembers ‘n knows how play gravy tennis, but da mind interferes. I am hella susceptible da mind interfering n’ shit. We’re going to play again Saturday morning.

My endless work day is almost done n’ shit.

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Jun 18th 2004Uncategorized