The 8th Nerve

I have been cleaning and packing like a mad, mad woman. Only now, nearly midnight, do I stop to eat dinner. I am ashamed at how much I am bringing to a week’s worth of vacation. A few years ago I flew to Wales for six months with one suitcase. However I wasn’t running a marathon then and you need a whole other set of clothes for running, especially if you don’t have access to a washer and dryer. Plus there are at least four other variables that a packing woman considers-

1) will there be times when I’m cold? (yes)
2) will there be times when I’m hot? (yes)
If yes to both, that nearly doubles the luggage, especially if you are unsure of the cold to hot ratio. It might rain all week, it might be sunny all week. It generally gets chilly at night though, in the Lake George region. Clothes for colder temperatures take up a lot of space.

3) will there be everyday, casual activities? (yes)
4) will there be a nightlife and at least one dress up occasion? (yes)
Again, I had yes to both. So basically I have to pack clothes for the day and then toss in a different set for the evening.

The other factor, and this is what guys don’t understand, is that I need a couple options for the variety of activities that may come up. I may have a shirt that is perfect for a certain kind of occasion or I may have a shirt that I may only want to wear if I’m in the mood to wear it. So I bring both shirts. Chances are, however, I may not wear either shirt.

*Guys everywhere simultaneously shake their heads in disgust*

Plus I have camping gear, pillow, blanket, towels, sheets, sleeping bag. All necessary for the cottage does not have such luxuries. Oh yeah, and my tennis and other sports equipment. Plus I probably should throw in some games and decks of cards for the downtime.

Justifiable right? Still, it makes me feel like a typical chick and I know I will be subject to a great deal of sarcasm from certain people (all male) unless I can discreetly sneak my stuff into the cottage while hiding the remainder in the car to retrieve later.

Maybe I’ll redeem myself and go through my stuff before I leave tomorrow and chuck half of it back in the closet. I could wear the same old outfit all week, who cares? If only I had a “Bo knows your sister” t-shirt like my brother-in-law, perfect for every occasion, then I might be all set.

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Jul 25th 2003Uncategorized

#115 days down/#74 days to go- The last thing I wanted to do yesterday was go out and run 7 miles. I was pissed at the thought of it. I was mad because two more work days felt like an eternity, mad because I was tired, mad because I didn’t want to run. But I forced myself out there and just took it easy. Steve had a great run though.

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Jul 24th 2003Uncategorized

A single solitary rose… evidence that I may not have killed off all the rose bushes planted by the previous owner with my green thumb of death.

On a further happy note, my first vacation in ten months is 3 days away. Sun, water, and friends await.

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Jul 23rd 2003Uncategorized

I traveled the length and width of Vermont this weekend. On Saturday I drove 2 and a half hours south east to Plymouth State Park to attend the Deaf picnic at Echo Lake. I met people from all over Vermont and practiced my signing. The day couldn’t have been more perfect for a picnic and swimming.

Then I drove 2 1/2 hours north on 91 and somehow manuevered the back roads of the Northeast Kingdom to find Sarah’s place. Here are the directions to Sarah’s place: travel west on the Grand Army of the Republic Highway, take a right just past the tiny general store in a small town just past a larger town, go down that dirt road 3 or 4 miles, take a right on a dirt road that has a name but no sign (thereby rendering the name of the road moot), then take a right after the large dead porcupine lying by the road. She lives right there. We enjoyed good food, conversation, and fireworks at her place, then Steve and I crashed at the house where Sarah and Robert are house sitting. Much hilarity ensued with hula hoops, Chutes and Ladders, and an evilly possessed, 2 inch chittering plastic toy bear.

The next morning Steve and I enjoyed a breakfast only an organic farmer in rural Vermont can provide. Then we drove the hour and a half back to our place. A frenzy of cleaning and cooking immediately ensued that lasted until our BBQ started at 3pm. A good time with friends, beer and grilled food followed.

Then the weekend was over.

Day #106-110- With approximately 80 days to go until the marathon, the training tapered a little bit last week. The weather was graciously cooler and we ran along fields lit in sunlight and shadow. This week the real training begins.

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Jul 21st 2003Uncategorized

When I researched for my presentation and paper on mood disorders, a few things stuck in my mind that I need to remind myself now and then.

First of all, all the things that we think will make us happier- material goods, money, bigger house, marriage, children- all have absolutely minimal effect on happiness. Even lottery winners, it was found, are happy for about 3 months before they start taking it all for granted and return to their baseline level of content or discontent.

Only a few things are backed with scientific findings to truly bring happiness.
A) A circle of friends and active lifestyle
B) Spirituality/religion
C) Personality/character structure

Happiness boils down to the support you have, the faith, and your perspective.

So, if you have good friends, attend church regularly, and are optimistic and extraverted, chances are you’re a pretty happy person who bounces back from traumatic events much better than most.

If you’re an introverted, agnostic person who tends to ruminate - like me- chances are you’re going to see the glass half empty. Perspective is key, and it can be changed. This is much harder for some than others.

The happiest person I know, I swear this is true, is a 300 pound developmentally disabled woman who has been in the hospital for 6 months.

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Jul 16th 2003Uncategorized

My legs are ACHIN’. Steve and I biked 20 miles today. I thought that running would help me out with the biking, but it really didn’t. Biking focuses on a whole other method of exercise. I was laboring and breathing hard. The hills sucked. I also feel very perilous on a bike, very easily unnerved by loose gravel, passing cars, and narrow shoulders. But I did do 20 miles, which I wouldn’t have been able to do if I wasn’t running regularly. I also wore my padded biking shorts that I got for Christmas, for which I was eternally grateful. In my personal experience, going without padded biking shorts is absolutely excruciating. I don’t recommend it.

When we got home, we were pleasantly surprised to find Robert hanging out there. He thought our BBQ was today, but it’s actually next Sunday. It made me very happy, because it was a distraction from the fact that it is Sunday evening and Monday is looming close. And also because I like Robert very much. We went shopping and had a very good meal back at our place with wine. Sarah came by too and we hung out for a while.

This weekend I dragged out my old journals from storage and re-read my journal from the summer of ‘96, my first summer at Silver Bay. It brought back all the pain and joy of that summer. It’s amazing how much our memories change over time, and also how much we forget. I wish I had kept a journal more consistently through college and beyond. Our memories alone are simply not reliable enough.

Time to drag these achin legs upstairs to bed.

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Jul 13th 2003Uncategorized

It has begun to come to my attention that other people are reading this. People I’ve never met in my life. Weird. I know this blog (I haven’t gotten in the habit of using the odd word “blog” yet) is public to the world, but still.. it’s a weird feeling. Kind of cool too, as long as none of the readers are serial killers who will piece various information together, figure out where I live and decide to pay me a visit. No one would do that, right?

I did some blog surfing today, to see what other blogs are like. There are amazing ones out there- fantastic writing, great sense of humor, brilliant observations. Fun to read, though I feel somewhat meager in comparison. Can I write like that? Can I be full of witticism for days on end? Can I write intelligently about politics, world events, everyday life? No. Not really. But I will continue to plow ahead.

Now I will discuss my sleeping patterns. I continue to go to bed on average between 12 and 1 am. Then I am up at the last possible minute and I am out of the door before 8 am. The average sleeper is supposed to get 8.6 hours of sleep a night, and if you don’t average 8.6, sleep debt accumulates. Your sleep is like a bank account that must be balanced. The debt does not go away, it accumulates over a lifetime. The only way to make it up is to sleep in late on weekends or start going to be earlier. Going to bed earlier is recommended, sleeping in late and messing up your sleep pattern is not. I read all this somewhere, so it must be true. I have much sleep debt to make up, especially from my college years.

So, if you average 7 hours of sleep a night during the workweek (unless you can operate 100% on 7 hours of sleep and feel energized and refreshed the next day. Which I don’t), you are in debt nearly 8 hours by Saturday. You can’t really make this up unless you sleep all weekend long. But you could sleep in. A nice long sleep in. Perfectly justifiable. It does not make you a loser. You are working on reducing your sleep debt so you will be all the more refreshed and better functioning.

This is what I tell myself, but I still feel like a loser when I get up past 9-10 am. Last night we went to a drive in (Charlie’s Angels- pretty disappointing) and got back late, went to sleep at 2 am. I got up at 11:20 am. Just about 8.6 hours! A full night’s sleep without even getting a chance to make up my debt from the last five days. Yet, I feel disgruntled and annoyed for sleeping my morning away. I seek to reassure myself.

Steve, who has the same sleep debt, mind you, was up by 9am. By the time I stumbled out of bed, sleep creases ingrained on the right side of my face, he had already done the dishes, went out to get milk, started loads of laundry, made coffee, and was playing music and working on various computer projects.

Ugh. Discombobulation. But I remind myself what a sweet, thoughtful husband I have for doing all that while I dreamed my morning away.

So I sleep in, I admit it. There’s nothing wrong with that. I embrace, rejoice the fact that I sleep in! So I tell myself.

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Jul 12th 2003Uncategorized

Day #101- I learned the hard way that temperature makes a huge difference in running. Yesterday I went out to do the five miles at approximately 8:30 pm and the air was almost chilly. I had a fantastic run, the boundless energy that I’ve been lacking the last few weeks came back. I should check my times more carefully but I think I’m down to 8 minute miles, which was my time when I ran the 5K race, and these are just my everyday runs. Only when the temperature is right, however! I’m amazed how much hot humid air slows down the body, willpower and determination can’t even override it.

I’ve seen some dead animals alongside the road while running- birds, squirrels, rabbits. A sad state of affairs but I’ve gotten used to it. Yesterday, however, I was much perplexed to run past a crustacean. It was bright orange, lobsterish but with many legs and no claws. What on earth was it doing hundreds of miles from the nearest ocean? Steve suggests that it is an alien baby, wandered too far from the mother ship perhaps.

Day #102- Cranked out 3 miles, then we went to dinner with Kristin. Tomorrow’s Friday already.

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Jul 10th 2003Uncategorized

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Jul 9th 2003Uncategorized

Tonight I had my sign language class, which was enjoyable as usual. Towards the end of class we were planning the silent dinner. The rule is that no one can speak in the class and we can only use sign. One woman grew frustrated as she attempted to convey something and began to mouth words, barely whispering.

The charming, pretty teacher was furious. She passionately signed that no one was to speak in this class, that she was deaf and could not hear what was being said. Everyone else could hear it but she could not, therefore it was inexcusably rude. Everyone is to show consideration for the fact that she is deaf, and to only use sign or write it down so that everyone in the room could equally understand. She was clearly enraged. She did not apologize. The poor student must have felt mortified. I know I did.

I felt like a small child being scolded, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach, I felt angry. I went home and promptly picked a fight with Steve on a completely unrelated issue.

On the one hand, the teacher’s reaction seemed extreme. The student was trying to get a point across and couldn’t because she only knew a few signs, almost involuntarily she started to speak. She didn’t mean anything rude or personal by it.

On the other hand, the teacher was right. If we spoke, she was being excluded and left out. It was rude.

Ok, good point. But couldn’t she have made this point in a nice, friendly way? A way that doesn’t embarass people, alienate people, or put them on the defensive? If she signed, calmly and smiling, “please don’t talk, use sign” it would not have had the same impact on us. Plain and simple. We would have politely obeyed and reverted back to sign but then sooner or later someone would have whispered again. Her fiery performance burned it into our brains- it is rude, inexcusable to talk when a deaf person is present and when we could have been using sign instead so that everyone is included.

So I come to the almost unbelievable conclusion- she was right to ream us out. She had the right to get angry, even if the slight was unintentional, even if the slight was born out of behaving in the way one has always known. A way entirely acceptable by the majority. This was the only way we would get the point, the only way we would remember and be particularly careful not to do it again.

Perhaps too, she was reacting out of the pain of being repeatedly excluded by hearing people all her life.

That takes so much courage.

I’m sure there were people in the group who thought it was way over the top and she was being overly sensitive. I’m sure there were those who thought she was being a bitch. There may have been people in her life who dismissed her from the beginning- an irrational girl who was too much of a pain to hang out with because she got testy every time someone didn’t accommodate her deafness. Yet she takes a risk, a stand, regardless of whether people will appreciate it or not.

Has this been my own inalienable right all my life? Should I demand that people adjust to ME, instead of just saying nothing, hearing nothing and pretending and nodding and smiling? Should I have shouted and stamped my foot every time people turned up the music in their car or wanted to go hang out in a poorly lit environment or covered their mouths while talking? Do I dare to ream someone out for talking in a low voice to others in the room and not acknowledging me? I have never dared to get angry with people. I am so aware of the burden my hearing loss can be to begin with for others in my presence that I try to be as easygoing as I can. I try not to ask people to repeat themselves unless I really need or want to know what they said.

Some things are about to change.

Day #100- Wow..one hundred days. We slacked big time last week, no more of that. I went running on midday on the 4th of July, when everything under the sun was absolutely baking. A mistake, it was a miserable one. Today however I ran around 8 pm and it was much cooler. My stride lengthened, my pace came back, it was fun again. From now on, 8 pm is the time.

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Jul 8th 2003Uncategorized