The 8th Nerve

This morning, groggy and bleary eyed, my entire head humming from the electric toothbrush, I watched the cat
sit in the bathtub and stare up into the faucet- nose right up the spout. Briefly, I thought of turning the handle to see what kind of mayhem would ensue when the water came pouring out. Just briefly.

Then Aschi came over, jumped up on the toilet seat and, with the most delicate act of balance you can imagine, started drinking from the toilet.

That’s pretty gross.

This brings me to the list of top 5 most bizarre things this cat has done:

5) When we first brought her home, she weighed a pound and could sit in my hand. The first night, we left her downstairs and we went upstairs and shut the bedroom door. We got into bed and turned off the light. Then, suddenly, inexplicably, she was in the bed with us. She had traversed up the stairs and squeezed UNDER the shut bedroom door.
4) She’s a big fraidy cat when guests come over. Except when they are allergic or don’t like cats, then she comes out and rolls all around in front of them, or sits to their immediate left and stares at them.
3) On occasion she has burrowed her head in the space between the arm of the chair and the mattress and, upside down, kicked her legs in the air.
2) Aschi had an awkward, clumsy phase before she fully developed her coordination. We were sitting on the futon and she came running at us from across the room. You could see it in her little furry face- her intent to join us on the futon. She took a big leap- flying up, up… until she bounced off the side of the futon.
1) One day we heard quite a bit of rustling coming from the closet. A few moments later Aschi came out carrying a gift wrap bow in her mouth. While we stared, she trotted out of the room. The next day we found the bow lying in middle of the living room. We have never referred to the incident since and she has never brought it up.

She also has a thing for lying on my chest. As soon as I lie down on my back her “chest availability!” radar starts beeping like mad and she comes running over and lies down on my chest and purrs like a lawn mower. Don’t ask me why.

Comments Off

May 30th 2003Uncategorized

Steve has a great summary
of our memorial day weekend in Maine. So, I will keep my recap short. We visited our friend Piet and a wiggly dog, met his girlfriend, and enjoyed some extremely good food courtesy of Piet. We also had an amazing meal at my grandparents’. My Mom was also there visiting. I thought I was doing some fairly good cooking but then I sample meals like my grandmother’s and Piet’s and I know I’ve got a long way to go!

Leaving my grandparent’s, I once again left something behind and remembered once we were nearly in Portland and we had to turn around and get it. I am not normally a scatterbrained person and I did this the last time I visited too. Freud would say that I’m dealing with an unconscious conflict with a wish to stay vs having to leave. Clever one, that Freud.

We saw a snaky tree (What would Freud say about this?)

We drove the whole way there and the whole way back in pouring rain. In a rest area off 89 a man backed into my parked car. So now it has a dent in front of the driver door and the door makes a loud cracking noise every time I open it.

Day #55- On Saturday we ran 6 miles and it is officially the furthest I’ve ever run at one time in my life. Only 20.2 more to go!

Comments Off

May 28th 2003Uncategorized

Today was another busy day work-wise. I have a new client who was added to my caseload and she starts next month. Opening a case is a whole new process that I’m learning.

The other day I had another upset and yelling parent on the phone who hung up on me, and this time it didn’t faze me at all. Unlike Screaming Parent incident #1. This time I know quite a bit more than I did the first time. I’m beginning to tell when the parent is completely overreacting due to their own issues and unrealistic expectations of what I can do. And the simple fact is that I can’t please everyone all the time. As long as the client is supported and safe, and I’ve done everything I can to work with the situation, I’m doing my job. It’s amazing how often people expect me to do things that are completely outside the realm and scope of my job. Working (and mediating) with families is tough. Family dynamics- I think it’s the most complex and powerful psychological force of all.

This weekend we’re off to Maine, to visit our friend Piet in Portland and my grandparents in Buxton, near Old Orchard Beach.

Day #52- A four mile run up Old Stage Road. We went further on this road then we have before and the road became unmarked and quieter. We ran by an apple orchard in bloom and the line of flowering trees rimmed the bottom of Mount Mansfield and Camel’s Hump towering in the distance. Everything is so green and alive. I’m still in a state of blissful appreciation that only comes after a long winter.

Comments Off

May 21st 2003Uncategorized

We saw the Matrix reloaded last night. I recommend it. I also recommend watching the Matrix first for a refresher, I spent the first quarter of the movie trying to remember the premise of the first one. Reloaded is very thought provoking in an “ow, my brain hurts” sort of way.

You are Trinity. The most loyal follower of
Morpheus, you will risk anything to help him,
whether your crush Neo likes it or not.
You are strong-willed, and its always either your
way, or the highway.

What Character From The Matrix Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

1 Comment »

May 20th 2003Uncategorized

Day #51- The past two days have felt sluggish. Probably a combination of the fact that is is a lot warmer and the fact that I had such a busy week last week and didn’t run part of the time. My legs have been feeling more tired. And I think I swallowed a bug.

Comments Off

May 20th 2003Uncategorized

Today Steve and I went to Mt Philo state park. It was a short, steep hike up to the top. We enjoyed the view and had lunch. During lunch I resolved that Steve and I would have a series of “mini-adventures” this summer- each weekend we will do a race, visit a state park, camp or some other day trip. There are a multitude of state parks in Vermont, most of them within short driving distances. Once in a while we’ll upgrade to “adventure” and go to Montreal, Star Island, Maine, etc. Now that the warm weather is here, it’s time to make more out of our weekends!

Steve is very strong.

Murphy’s law states that when you agree to work on a weekend, something fun will come up that you will miss. Tonight I’m taking an overnight shift at the house where I used to work. Sure enough, fun events are happening in Craftsbury with Robert, Sarah, Cedar and Jen. Steve is heading over there tonight. Oh well.. at least I’ll earn some extra money.

Tulips are blooming along our front walk.

1 Comment »

May 17th 2003Uncategorized

Wow, I’m utterly exhausted.

Got up at 6 am this morning because I had an all day conference on facilitated communication at Lake Morey Resort. A co-worker and I rode together in my car and it was a nice chance to get to know someone from work. I had never driven the route from Barre to Fairlee and it was really beautiful- a sort of Southeast Kingdom. The mountains all over are a patchwork of light spring green, dark evergreen, and ghostly gray of still-bare trees. I’d never noticed before how spring can resemble fall, except with a different variety of colors. Maybe it is just an unusual spring.

Lake Morey was more beautiful than I remembered, completely surrounded by mountains. Every conference room had an incredible view. It was an unexpected reprieve and nice to get out of town. Lake Morey brought back memories of ‘98, when I would visit Steve in nearby Hanover, NH in the dwindling days before Germany. We had an amazing time at Mooselauke, one of the first major inklings that this was for real, and visited (and met) Eric who was staying at Lake Morey. Five years ago.

Another great class tonight. I felt so completely relaxed with everyone there. Yesterday transformed so much. It’s unbelievable. There is so much power in this.

Day #45- No can do.

2 Comments »

May 14th 2003Uncategorized

Tonight I suddenly found myself talking. About me.

I was composed, eloquent, expressed myself in the way I’d always wanted to share with a group. On the spot, off the cuff. I talked about my countertransference to another student and my hardest struggle in general. The response, the outpouring of warmth and support, was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. The students were clearly blown away by me. But unlike most people they did not become uncomfortable and imply in one way or another that I shouldn’t “feel sorry for myself”, instead they responded with delight, compassion, and warmth.

It was amazing. For the first time, I felt understood by a group of peers who truly wanted to listen.

However, it is just the tip of the iceberg. I did the cerebral dance- danced around the emotions by verbalizing and intellectualizing. I did not feel any strong emotions while talking, and simply felt elated afterwards by the response.

The feelings are there though, somewhere. Oh they will come, my professor said with a smile.

Day #44- Three miles on the treadmill at 10pm. I forgot my sneakers but I had tennis sneakers in the trunk of my car that were doable. The white sneakers still have the red tinge from the clay courts of Silver Bay.

Comments Off

May 13th 2003Uncategorized

My schedule every day this week:

8am-4pm: work
5pm-10pm: class
10pm-11pm: run

I was going to get up and run in the mornings before work. I thought I really might do it this morning. I even set the alarm. Ha ha ha…

My class is on play therapy- psychotherapy with children. We sit in a circle on the floor in the playroom. We all know each other well because we had practicum together all year. It was made clear tonight that this is going to be a very non-traditional class that is about examining countertransference, your own feelings, your issues, your creativity and your childhood. The class has nothing to do with paper writing, memorization or theorizing. The final exam is going to be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. Our syllabus is a three dimensional diagram. The teaching is in metaphors, story telling and the emotions that charge the air in the room.

In the end, we each turn in a binder (and whatever that doesn’t fit into the binder) that consists of all the work and creativity we put into integrating what we’ve learned with our own journey and self-examination. It can take any shape and form. I really shouldn’t write too much about this here, I don’t want to ruin it for any future student who might stumble across this.

I felt such sadness listening during this amazing class. My journey is going to be a sad one, this much I know. It will be very good, but sad and painful. I’ve intellectualized all my life about my feelings, and have yet to understand some powerful feelings that emerge all out of proportion to the actual situation. (Quickie psych lesson- feelings that are more powerful than the situation warrants and causes you to overreact means that something unconscious is at work).

This class is all about feeling the feelings, conscious and unconscious, not just verbalizing them. God grant me courage.

Day #43- Ran 4 miles on the treadmill at the gym. Man was it tedious running in one place in a cramped room with 4 tvs blaring on the wall. I had the treadmill cranked up to 7.5 mph by the last mile just so I could get off the damn thing. There was hardly anyone there that time of night though, which was nice.

Comments Off

May 12th 2003Uncategorized

We’re going to go catch the matinee this afternoon- Xmen united.

You are Storm!

You are very strong and very protective of those
you love. You are in tune with nature and are
very concerned with justice and humanity.
Unfortunately, certain apprehensions and fears
are very hard for you to overcome, and can
often inhibit you when most need to be strong.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Comments Off

May 11th 2003Uncategorized