For better or for worse, it seems Silver bay people and experiences have branded themselves forever in my psyche. It takes approximately three days to recover from a visit with everyone. I gradually return back to my life and re-adjust, as if I was carried far downstream and have to swim my way back. The past three days had a feeling of persistent sadness and I kept checking my email repeatedly like something’s missing. Just when I thought I was going to have to resort to eating chocolates on the couch while watching The Big Chill, I begin to feel normal again. I emailed my girlfriends and asked if this was happening to them too. I received responses in record time from all of them, agreeing that recovering from a Silver bay get-together is hard.
I’m not sure what it is. It is not a wish to be younger again, because I am happy to be where I am and would not want to be 18 or 19 again, ever, even if you paid me a million bucks. It is not a wish for another summer at Silver Bay, because I love Steve and Vermont and our house here.
It feels as if it was that particular time in our lives and the place we were all in. Something about it heightened the creation of bonds and attachment between people. Similar to when we were infants forming attachments with our caregivers, perhaps it can happen again nearly as intensely when we first leave home. Or maybe it is a phenomenon that happens when neural synapses are fusing just as fast as they are dying off due to all the alcohol consumption of teens delirious with their newfound freedom. Something like that. It seems that when you form bonds like that, a piece of you is lost when everyone scatters by time and distance.
When everyone comes back together, it is a feeling of powerful, whole energy. Sometimes it is wonderful energy, sometimes it is anxious energy. The complexity of these bonds and what happened in them and to them over the last decade could fill a bookshelf (complexity can fill a bookshelf?).
Yeah, is that healthy? Is this a case of experiencing sensations in a phantom limb that was cut off long ago or is it something real? If I had it my way, I would prefer not to have so much investment that it takes me two or three days to recover from it.. But I simply cannot imagine life without these friends.