Do you get the Improvements catalog? This catalog is probably the root of all our country’s problems. Really. Just by flipping through the glossy pages, deeply ingrained assumptions are clear. Assumptions they have made about you, the American citizen who did not ask for this catalog to be mailed to you. If you have achieved what you are supposed to do as an American, it is a given that:
1) You are upper middle class with way too much money, and why not burn it making your life even more convenient than it is already? Buy those rubber treads for your outdoor steps! Get a big fancy shower organizer!
2) Suffering is: - getting chilly while you lounge on your outdoor patio!
- exposed ashes in your fireplace!
- no cover for your riding lawnmower!
- pet hair inside your SUV!
- having to use a snowblower on your sidewalk without a heavy duty cab with freeze-resistant super-clear vinyl windows!
3) You are white. Obviously. All the models having their problems solved are white. All the hands operating hose attachments and stocking handy organizers are white.
4) You celebrate Christmas. And you want to spend hundreds on wreathes, lawn decorations and stocking holders over your fireplace. And why not throw in a 7′8″ candy cane archway to “greet your guests with Christmas cheer”? Your guests, naturally, also celebrate Christmas.
I am going to continue to rebel against all that they hold dear at Improvements. I’m going to let my electrical cords show. I’m not going to sort my mail. I’m going to leave my shoes by the door in a big heap!