The 8th Nerve

The second ultrasound managed to be relieving, a little disappointing, and astounding slash shocking all at once.

I was relieved because the baby was head down.  I wasn’t keen on the idea of having to be put on an IV drip while someone manhandles my belly in an attempt to force the baby to turn around to the tune of a 50% success rate and the chance of tearing the cord so that the baby would have to be born immediately.  Oh, and she’s still a girl!   No last minute penile shocker.

There was some disappointment because it turned out this ultrasound was just to see if the baby was head down and so I did not get lots of pictures and a DVD like last time.  The baby was also upside down with her fist on her forehead so we couldn’t get a clear look at her face.  And no 4-D stuff at all.  Who puts her fist on her forehead?  My baby, that’s who.   I did ask if they could see how much she weighed.  I was just curious.

So the tech guy did some measurements and then he disappeared for a while and then the doctor came in.  “Well,” he said “she’s above average.”   Are you ready for this?  I’m still trying to absorb this myself.   They estimated her weight to be EIGHT AND A HALF POUNDS.  Eight…and…a…half.   And week 36 starts tomorrow.   Just to give you an idea, the average weight at 36 weeks is 5.78 pounds.

I asked about what could be contributing to something insane like that.  I’ve gained a normal amount of weight and I don’t have gestational diabetes.  Essentially we’re talking genetics.  Then the doctor and I turned to Steve and tossed him out the nearest window.   No, just kidding…   The doc was also clear that ultrasound estimates are not always accurate with a large margin of error.  When I researched online I found several accounts of ultrasounds overestimating the weight of babies by 2 pounds or so, but of course there were also accounts where it was accurate.  I don’t feel like I’m carrying above average size or weight, still feeling comfortable.

I asked if there was anything I should do differently.  Like LAY OFF THE ICE CREAM.  But doc said no.

Who knows.  I bet she will have long arms and legs though.   Steve’s mom tells me he was a skinny ten pounder with long arms and legs.  I was reading that the size of the baby at birth does not always ultimately determine size as a child or an adult.  The scariest fact I came across is that one’s first baby tends to be the smallest.   Ha!

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Jul 22nd 2009Uncategorized & pregnancy

The cleavage, this new phenomenon that behaves like my own personal baseball mitt,  catches the crumbs and the ice cream sprinkles, and on one horrifying day, a spider.   (Yes, go ahead and laugh at the image of me in the woods, flapping my bra wildly and screaming!)  The belly catches everything else and is also capable of supporting my arms and other objects, a personal shelf at my disposal.

Ah yes, 33 weeks… when you are nearing 30 pounds more than you have ever weighed in your life and the baby only weighs 4 of it!

I’ve gotten batches of maternity clothes from people.  Invariably, as I sort through all the nice reasonable-looking maternity items, there is one monstrosity.  There is THE garment of horror that makes you cringe because you instinctively know that this was used at the very end, past the point of all caring and decency.  When you are big and there’s no possible way you can get any bigger, but then you do.  You are huge and you have no choice but to put on this tent and to back it up with the enormous gaping stretchy denim bottoms that sumo wrestlers must wear outside the ring.

I think today was the beginning of the breakdown toward the ultimate lady sumo wrestler outfit.  Today I put on a big ol formless shapeless t shirt that billows around me.  Just so I don’t have to tug at the bottom of a shirt all day.

The baby will be here next month.   Three weeks ago I started calling around about birthing classes and found out they are all full!  The class meets weekly for six weeks, 2 hour sessions each.  I don’t think I need 12 hours of information about a natural process that has been occurring for hundreds of thousands of years, but I do want to feel like I know SOMETHING.  I think going in comfortably and confidently vs being full of fear and tension makes for two very different experiences from beginning to end.   The mind has a lot of power in this matter.   I’ve got some good books to read and maybe we’ll get some ‘how to’ videos off the internet or something!

Summer has been really good so far.  I’ve gotten in trips to Lake George, New Hampshire and Connecticutt.  I’ve already gone swimming in Lake Champlain one sunny hot evening.  I’ve had great meals and conversations with friends and family.  I begin to marvel at how Steve and I are suddenly in this whole new chapter in our lives and how it has already impacted my perspective, values, reactions and experiences.   I don’t think I have ever been so comfortable, in all the ways that a person can be comfortable.  This new place in our lives is going to be the best one yet.

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Jul 3rd 2009Everyday life & Uncategorized & pregnancy

This is a picture from week 12 when I thought I was actually “showing.”  I even emailed it to my Mom.  Here’s a picture of me showing!   Ha…ha…ha…

Now for laughs I’m going to insert week 31 pic of me wearing that same top.

Whoa!  Or perhaps this one is more accurate…

No, I’m kidding.. I think this one captures it best.

I’m feeling very good and relaxed these days.  I thought the third trimester would have all kinds of craziness in store for me, but it seems that the transition was just a blip on the radar and then my body adjusted.   Who knows what may happen in July and August, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I continue to feel so comfortable.

Word of advice- tell only your closest friends and family the gender of your baby and tell everyone else that you don’t know yet.  I’ve had two baby showers at work and now I am swimming in baby girl pink frou frou outfits.  If I had kept my mouth shut, I would have gotten gender neutral yellow and green!  Anything but pink!   Not to say that I don’t appreciate the thoughtfulness and kindness of people putting together a shower for me.  I definitely do.   I’m just puzzled why there has to be so much pink in general.  Baby boy outfits are just as bad.. all the blue and images of cars and trucks and sports paraphernalia.   Gender stereotyping and conformity at its source!

When I stand out on the deck at night, the fireflies blink and glow all around like a field of stars.   The crickets and peepers are a peaceful racket all the way down to the river.   The days have been so nice and cool, but I’m sure the hot weather isn’t far behind.    That will be when I set up a lawn chair next to the AC unit in the bedroom.

I can’t wait to meet the pooch!

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Jun 18th 2009Pictures & Uncategorized & pregnancy

I think there is something about the number 30.   The decision to get pregnant didn’t remotely go under serious consideration until I turned 30.  Now that I’ve hit 30 weeks, it is becoming more and more of a reality that sooner, rather than later, this baby will actually COME OUT.

The baby hiccups a lot, I read that is a good thing, means her diaphragm is working.   All kinds of movements now.  Gliding, sliding movements, kicks, rotations, shifts, sudden jerks like a startle reflex.  Apparently at this point she can also be aware and react to certain environmental stimuli, open and close her eyes, and track light sources.

For some reason, I don’t get back pain when I sit for long periods anymore.  Sweet.  I’m grateful to be pain free and not sleep deprived.  I know it could be worse!

Most of my maternity tops are not long enough!  I feel like the underside of my belly is hanging out and catching all the drafts.  Why don’t they make them longer?

I wouldn’t say my belly button has popped.  It’s more like it has ‘pooched.’  I call her Helga.  I’m not sure about pooched belly button etiquette.  Is there one?  Should I use a bandaid or something to try to flatten it so as to not violate others’ sense of decency or do I just let it pooch?

I wish my doctor was more like my orthodontist when I go in for visits.    When I saw my orthodontist, he would be so enthusiastic and congratulatory that I would leave feeling like I was a very special individual who got an A+, not only in responsible teeth and braces care, but in general awesomeness as well.

My doctor is pretty young and since she is not married, I am making the assumption she hasn’t been pregnant yet.  She doesn’t know yet that when pregnant ladies come in, they want to get A pluses in pregnancy.  Think of the pregnant lady as a college paper.  As you go over each paragraph, give her tons of comments in the margins.  Warm, congratulatory, excited, enthusiastic comments.  Pretty much imply that something of this nature, and how she is pulling it off,  is so fantastic and special that no one has ever really done it before, despite evidence to the contrary.  A plus plus!!  Baby gets an A+ too!

A plus or not, this baby isn’t really going to actually come out, is it?

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Jun 10th 2009Uncategorized & pregnancy

Filming is set to begin soon for the latest movie, Tin Can.   These days when I look in the garage, I’m just in awe of how Steve and Logan, with help from friends, built this.   Feeling ill equipped to build anything and overwhelmed by the sheer size of the project, I have focused on being more of the emotional supporter and taking care of the house while Steve works on the ship.   While standing on the sidelines, I also harbored worries about the financial costs of time, energy and resources.  The countless hours Steve has put into the movie script and building the set is unbelievable.

The other night though I came in and watched Steve work on the UV shower and discovered that if he set me to a task, I could easily help out in some way.  Watching him at work, I realized how much this project has utilized his creative energy and many other talents to build something like this.

Seeing Steve take apart a computer monitor stand and become so excited about the possibilities within the spring loaded metal contraption that emerged, I realized how much he is in his element and how much I love seeing him in his element.  He is so much more fulfilled than he was just working his day job.   Unlike most of us, he has found a way to not sacrifice his creativity and passion to work.   This is worth more than a thousand translation jobs.

The spaceship is the other baby in the works right now and we are feeling the pressure that comes from working non-stop to get this done in time, to coordinate the filming schedule, to get the equipment ready, to organize the logistics of people, locations and props.  I can only hope fervently for everyone involved to understand what this is really about- teamwork, communication, community, creativity, magic-  and to be on the same wavelength.  I feel so protective of it and hope that others, besides the team that has been working on it from the beginning,  see how incredibly great it is going to be.

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Jun 1st 2009Everyday life & Family & Friends & Uncategorized

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Apr 21st 2009Uncategorized

We’ve just returned from a weekend in the Northeast Kingdom to…mud season. Ugh. Steve and the movie co. spent the day in Newport filming a scene with this guy.

The other day I walked by the guest bedroom and thought about how I would soon start changing it into a nursery. This led to the memory of the yellowed pictures of my nursery in my baby scrapbook. Suddenly I had this weird juxtaposition of emotions, a feeling of future nostalgia. Those yellow photos in the babybook of my earliest beginnings seem impossibly old fashioned. It seemed the whole world was yellowed at the time of my birth. Even as adults it can be hard to conceive of a fully formed world before your consciousness.

Yet, my parents were living in a technicolored world, fully grown at the time of the yellowed photographs, when my existence was just a glimmer. Now here I am, moving through the days of someone’s prehistory, carrying him/her as I plan and dream. They’ll have a hard time ever imagining Steve or me this young, or the fact that we had full lives before their existence. They may be well into adulthood before they realize Steve and I are separate people, with experiences and vulnerabilities and memories of our own.

The second trimester apparently ushers in symptoms I never knew to be associated with pregnancy. My nose is somewhat stuffy, sometimes there is blood when I blow my nose, and I’ve had a couple headaches. There are many other possible symptoms. As long as my boobs don’t start leaking and I don’t get skier’s mask, I think we’re all good here.

The avocado is pumping 25 quarts of blood a day and is beginning to grow hair and toenails. I can’t wait for the ultrasound in a few weeks, not to mention the day when I begin to feel the baby’s movements!

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Mar 8th 2009Uncategorized & pregnancy

Good grief, I am looking at 10 week pregnancy images and most of the women’s belly shots are still pretty much flat (unless they have been pregnant before.) My belly, on the other hand, is doubled in size. I wonder if it is because I haven’t had morning sickness and I’m not throwing everything back up.  Every time I look down at the belly, I think with a Scottish accent: “That’s not my belleh!” Why a Scottish accent? I must be thinking of Mike Myer’s character from Austin Powers. I really need to get an ultrasound to see what’s is going on in there (!)

Fetus is now nearly a kumquat. It is just over an inch long and all the organs will finish forming this week.

Besides the physical changes, the emotional ones are pretty fascinating as well. In my pre-pregnancy I had gotten pretty good at balancing emotional reactions versus logical and intellectual thinking. These days, instinctive reactions and emotional responses are more powerful. Steve’s hugs feel even more amazing. A cathedral of trees and the silence of the snow holds an exquisite stillness. The nesting instinct rages. Some things that didn’t bother me as much before now do.

My dreams are ridiculously detailed and vivid. My intuition is heightened. What may have been an inner prompting that could sometimes be easily ignored is now an expansion of the insides, a knowing that fills the mind. I swear I’m not making this up.

No pregnancy crying fits yet though, like they talk about. Obama’s inauguration speech, however, did bring tears to my eyes. Yay for America.

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Jan 20th 2009Uncategorized & pregnancy

Weird. I’ve never entertained the idea of marriage being difficult. It’s generally so effortless  (in the sense that when I make the effort it doesn’t feel like effort) and supportive I don’t even think about it. Guess that might mean parenthood will bite me in the ass!

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Jan 7th 2009Uncategorized

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Aug 9th 2008Uncategorized